what's your point?

some friendships aren't meant to last forever + that's okay.

it was covid-days (god - remember them? spraying groceries? panic-buying toilet paper?) where everyone was on a text chain with their nearest + dearest + planning zoom wine dates. i was part of one particular group in which the first of this friend group was turning 35. i’ll never forget this specific conversation regarding her age/birthday because i’m pretty certain i audibly gasped.

“well, it’s all downhill from here. i got married. got the house. had the kids. now, we just live vicariously through them.”

::insert record screeching here::

as others in the group readily agreed, i, rather bashfully, mustered up the confidence to say, “really? i feel like i’m just getting started.”

needless to say, many of these people i don’t keep in touch with. now, to be clear, this is not a judgment on how they live their life. it’s a reflection on how i live mine +, if i’m being honest, i always felt like a little bit of an outsider. it wasn’t anything they had done but, amongst this friend circle, i was late(r) to the wedding game. i was, + am, the only step-parent. i also didn’t have a steady career such as a nurse or a teacher.

i did end up leaving the group chat later on that year.

the truth of the matter is, i still feel like i’m just getting started, figuring out what i want to be when i grow up. i just don’t think that will ever end for me. i’m someone who thinks her glory days are still ahead of her + happening in the present moment. i’ve got goals, am constantly developing new business ideas + interests + have a list of places i want to see - that don’t necessarily (read: usually) involve my family.

whether it’s my childhood trauma that is enabling to me to live out the innocent joy that i didn’t get to experience without some underlying level of stress/tension/guilt/pain or something else, i am 100 percent cool with it. i don’t want to visit my college town or get wasted with people i haven’t seen in twenty years + that’s okay.

what’s my point?

we are meant to change. people always say it like it’s a bad thing. “oh, you’ve changed.” well, gosh, i sure hope so! sometimes, we grow together or we grow apart +, as i stated previously, it’s not a judgment or reflection on how “right” or “wrong” someone is living. it’s just different from how i (want to) live my life. it’s okay to graciously bow out of a conversation/relationship/situationship if it doesn’t align with who you are or where you’re going. as a recovering people-pleaser, i spent a lot of time sacrificing my own comfort to keep the peace or ensure i was everyone’s friend. it’s okay to weed the proverbial garden + rather spend your precious time + energy watering + nurturing the roots of those relationships that lift you up in the ways that you need right now. it’s about quality, not quantity. this doesn’t mean you wish someone harm or that you are better than. it’s not about them. it’s about you +, from what i’ve experienced, the truest friends will understand + seek out your friendship outside of a group dynamic + give you the space to blossom without taking it personally.

if you find yourself on the other side of it - where someone steps away - come back to this, come back to yourself. know that one of the kindest, most compassionate things you can do as a friend is meet the situation head on + give the person a chance to verbalize their needs/feelings or support them as they follow their path without seeing it as a personal attack or insult to what you’re doing in your life.

trust, too, that the people who are meant for you will find you. some of my dearest friendships have deepened or even begun later in life.

stay open + shine on, moonbeams. more soon.